Into the Unknown
by Bottlebrush
Summary: Where did Remus Lupin go when he resigned from his teaching job at Hogwarts? Back to mother, of course. Mrs Lupin's pov.


Title: Into the Unknown.

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter world or its characters, J. K. Rowling does.

Summary: Where did Remus Lupin go when he resigned from his teaching job at Hogwarts? Back to mother, of course. Mrs Lupin's pov.

It was about noon when I received the owl. I read it with mixed feelings: sad, because things hadn't worked out; happy, because I would soon be seeing him again.

There wasn't much housework to do; my house is always clean and tidy, and his room always ready for him, just in case. But at last I had somebody besides myself to cook for. He likes simple food. I made a thick vegetable soup, with plenty of bread, and apple pie with lots of sugar and cinnamon. He loves anything sweet. I don't know how he stays so thin. Perhaps it's something to do with werewolf metabolism. Now I think of it, I've never met a fat werewolf. Not that I've met that many. He'd know, probably.

He had one suitcase, and a sort of glass box. He looked tired. But it had been full moon the night before. And his smile was beautiful and gentle as I remembered.

While we ate the soup he told me what had happened.

"I'd like to get within hexing distance of that Snape," I said indignantly.

He explained it wasn't just Snape, it was his own fault too. "I forgot to take the potion," he said, "I might have bitten one of the children. I might have killed them. I couldn't risk it happening again. I'm not suitable to be a teacher."

That was nonsense, of course. He'd made a mistake once; he wouldn't make the same mistake again. But argument was useless. It was done, and there was no going back.

When I put the apple pie on the table, I said "Now tell me the good news."

He looked up, startled.

"You're very good at hiding your feelings," I said, "but I'm your mother and I know you too well. Something is making your heart sing."

He smiled at that, and it illuminated his face. "I've seen Sirius," he said.

Somehow that was the last thing I expected. I knew the murderer had escaped, but I thought he would stay well away from Remus, after what he'd done.

Then Remus told me everything, and it all fell into place. I never could understand how Remus, perceptive as he was, had loved someone capable of such terrible crimes.

"You're still in love with him," I said. (Not "again"; "still".)

He nodded, the big smile still stretching his face. "I don't know how he feels about me. He might not even want me back. But whatever happens, just to know he is innocent is such a joy."

And now you can torment yourself with hope, I thought.

The next day, Melisande arrived with a letter from my other son, Julius. Julian, he calls himself now, because that name is more acceptable to Muggles. He has cut himself off completely from the magical world; his owl Melisande is the only link he retains, and that only to write to me and to send Muggle money each month to Gringotts, who send me the equivalent in Galleons.

Most people think I am childless; the few old friends who know better pity me, the mother of a squib and a werewolf. But I love both my sons, and I am proud of how they have coped with their handicaps.

There was a photograph with the letter; a Muggle photograph, of course, so the young girl's smile was fixed and she did not move.

I handed it to Remus, saying "It's Camilla. Your niece."

"Yes," he said, "my niece whom I have never been allowed to see."

"I don't get to see her now either. Not since my last visit more than a year ago. All I said was that she has your eyes. And she has, beautiful hazel eyes just like yours. But Julius was so angry. He's forbidden me to visit them again."

Remus handed back the photograph, saying quietly "She's a witch."

"What?" I exclaimed.

"Dumbledore told me. She'll be getting her Hogwarts letter next year."

"He won't let her go."

"Such a waste. I could have helped her, I could teach her so much."

"You'll never be allowed near her."

"I know."

Melisande was waiting. I sat down and scribbled a reply.

I tried to make him rest and take things easy in the next few days, but he read the Prophet every day and kept our poor owl Morag busy carrying job applications, every one of which was turned down. He didn't even get an interview. And then Melisande came back.

There was no photograph this time. Just a letter, which dropped from my hand when I read it.

"Accio letter," he said casually.

"You don't read that," I said. "It's private. Give it back."

He ignored me and went on reading.

I shouldn't have opened it with him in the room. I should have hidden …… well, I didn't. And he read it.

"Dear Mother, I cannot pretend to be pleased by your news. Indeed I am most unhappy to think that my allowance to you is supporting my worthless brother, of whom I had hoped we would hear no more. And you tell me he is again associating with the criminal Sirius Black. You are aware of the connection between them, and I hope you are not deceived into thinking it has anything to do with love. What they do is not love, it is animal filthiness. Well, my brother _is_ an animal, but Black, the son of a respected family, must have broken his parents' hearts. I know my brother cannot help what he is, but if he had any decency, he would have ended his wretched life years ago. I expect to hear by return owl that you have severed all ties with him. Failing that, I shall dispose of Melisande and regard myself as an orphan. Your loving son, Julian."

Remus handed me the letter. "I shall, of course, leave immediately," he said.

"You will NOT. We don't need his money. I've got some savings, you can get a job, I'll find work too, we'll manage."

"No we won't. Be realistic. It could be months before either of us is earning anything, if ever. You have a good life here. I'm not going to spoil it for you."

"Well, I'll tell him you've gone, and you just stay here. He'll never know."

"He might. Muggles have ways of finding out things. He could send a detective to spy on you. I'm not going to risk it. Besides, there's Camilla. She may be able to live her whole life as a Muggle, and she may not. Some day she might need her witch grandmother."

He had a point. Of all the people in this family, the most innocent was that little girl. I have to be here for her, and I can't if Julius cuts himself off from me.

But I cried, all the same, while Remus was packing his one suitcase.

"Can I leave this thing here?" he asked, lifting the glass box. "I don't know why I brought it from Hogwarts."

"Of course," I said, "we'll put it in your room. All your books are there." Thinking about that made me cry again. He hugged and kissed me. His hands and lips felt warm and dry. Perhaps that's werewolf metabolism too.

"Where will you go?" I asked him.

"I don't know. Don't worry about it."

"Remus, you won't …… no, you wouldn't …… would you –"

"What?" He looked genuinely puzzled.

"You wouldn't – do what Julius said?"

"You surely don't think I've survived all that's happened to me, only to do away with myself now because my squib brother says I should?"

He had never spoken so harshly about Julius before, and I knew it was because of what Julius had said about Sirius.

And I remembered something he'd said, years ago, the day after the first full moon since he'd been bitten. After we'd tended his wounds and he was able to talk, his father and I explained again the terrible thing that had happened to him because of the bite. He was quiet, while the seconds ticked by and we waited so anxiously, then he looked up and smiled and said "You mean it's only going to happen once a month?" I knew then that he was a survivor.

He picked up his suitcase. "I'll keep in touch," he said. "Morag will find me."

And he walked away, into his unknown future.


End file.
